Being Who I Really Am
I used to have that always as a child.
I love things that are done with care:
Beautiful things.
If things are clean.
Small things.
Taking care of things.
I am starting to appreciate things a lot more.
I have so many ideas. ;)
I think I was really conditioned out of this natural way of being.
Or I let myself be conditioned out of it.
Stress and fear were taking over completely.
I am someone who cares and gives attention to things.
It is so smooth that I slid into doing my schoolwork really well. It came from wanting to be a good girl and pleasing others.
Before, this pleasing others was never the goal, but it became the goal.
In my opinion, a lot of girls who are really natural in their way of being, shut off and pull themselves together because there is this huge pretending that you need to be good and that there is one "best."
This is all not true.
This is such a big lie.
If you need to pull yourself together, you deny your soul.
And then you start hating your life.
You start thinking there is something wrong with you.
You get mad at yourself because it just doesn’t feel right.
Your body is actually doing the right thing—it is constantly telling you that this is not working.
You start to disassociate from yourself and your body.
This is actually a traumatizing experience—you disassociate from your body massively.
Some numb it with addiction.
And on top of all that, you are in your puberty. You are apparently crazy anyways.
Which I don’t think is true at all.
You are just not allowed to be who you really are.
And then women are told to be pretty.
That is the main thing above all of it.
How dull!
I mean, just writing this makes me feel odd because it is so true and such a joke at the same time.
Then you shut everything down, and then you are called a shy girl.
Really funny!
Some give it all up and declare themselves as mentally ill.
Others pull themselves together and work extra, extra hard.
Then, at one point, you tried it all.
You went through therapy and you were the top of something.
And you know for sure that denying, pretending to be someone you are not, is not working.
And then you start peeling all the layers off.
Layer after layer.
All the false beliefs to find out who you really are.
I mean, if we just started off with embracing who we really are, wouldn’t that be the way?
I have gone all the way to the very depth of misalignment:
Proving my worth, being stressed and in fear, getting attention from others in order to feel good.
I do not think it was a waste of time.
It gave me the gift of seeing this.
I truly hope that one day there is a way into womanhood where alignment and being who you really are is the top priority.
But I have to figure the way out back to who I really am first.
I am on my way—I feel it though!
Let me tell you one thing, which I know with absolute certainty now:
There is nothing wrong with you.
You are who you are, the real you!
This is all life is about. Nothing else matters.
Because as soon as you remembered who you are on a soul level, you know what to do and who to be, which is you!
Is there a person you could say is truly who they are?
They have this very special energy around them, don’t they?
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